Stop Trying to Have All the Answers

When I first became a leader, I thought my job was to have the answers.

If someone walked into my office with a problem, I felt responsible for solving it.

After all, that's what leaders do...

Isn't it?

So I'd listen.

Analyse.

Offer advice.

Recommend a course of action.

People would leave with a solution.

I'd leave feeling like I'd done my job.

The funny thing was, many of those same people would return a few weeks later with another problem.

Different situation.

Same dependency.

At the time, I thought I was developing people.

Looking back, I was often developing reliance.

It wasn't until I began learning executive coaching that I realised I'd been asking myself the wrong question.

I thought leadership was about having the right answers.

It turns out it's about asking better questions.

Not clever questions.

Not scripted questions.

Better questions.

There's a difference.

The Moment Everything Changed

One of the most significant lessons in my coaching journey didn't come from a textbook.

It came from sitting across the table from a leader who had lost confidence in herself.

She brought a challenge that was affecting her decision-making.

Everything in me wanted to help.

To give advice.

To point her in the right direction.

To solve the problem.

Instead, I did something that felt incredibly uncomfortable.

I stayed curious.

I listened.

I resisted the temptation to jump in.

Slowly, the conversation shifted.

As she explored her own thinking, her confidence began to grow.

She didn't need my answer.

She needed the space to discover her own.

That conversation changed the way I think about leadership.

I realised that the greatest gift a leader can give isn't a solution.

It's belief.

Belief that the person sitting opposite you is more capable than they realise.

Trust Before Technique

When people hear the word coaching, they often imagine powerful questions.

And questions certainly matter.

But over the years I've come to believe they aren't where coaching begins.

Coaching begins with trust.

Without trust, even the best questions feel like an interrogation.

With trust, even a simple question can unlock remarkable insight.

I've learned that my role isn't to impress someone with the perfect coaching model.

It's to create an environment where they feel safe enough to think honestly.

Sometimes that means asking,

"What do you think?"

Other times it means asking,

"What's the real challenge here?"

Or simply,

"Tell me more."

Those aren't revolutionary questions.

But in the right relationship, they become transformational.

From Dependency to Development

One of the biggest shifts I've made as a leader is moving from solving problems to developing problem-solvers.

Those aren't the same thing.

When we constantly provide answers, people become dependent on our experience.

When we coach, people begin trusting their own judgement.

That's where confidence grows.

That's where ownership develops.

That's where leaders are multiplied.

The irony is that coaching often feels slower in the moment.

It would have been much quicker to simply tell someone what to do.

But leadership isn't measured by how quickly we solve today's problem.

It's measured by how well we've prepared someone for tomorrow's.

Coaching Is More Than a Technique

These days, people sometimes ask me what coaching model I use.

The honest answer?

Several.

But none of them matter as much as the person sitting in front of me.

Over the years I've stopped trying to coach the model.

Instead, I coach the person.

The frameworks are still valuable.

They provide structure when I need it.

But they no longer drive the conversation.

The relationship does.

I've discovered that coaching isn't something I switch on during a one-hour session.

It's become the way I lead.

Whether I'm coaching an executive, mentoring a new leader or chatting with someone over coffee, I find myself looking for the strengths, potential and possibilities in the person before me.

Not because it's a technique.

Because it's become who I am.

Leadership Is About Unlocking Potential

The older I get, the less interested I become in being the smartest person in the room.

I'm far more interested in helping someone else discover that they already have more wisdom, courage and capability than they thought possible.

That's what coaching is really about.

Not creating dependence.

Creating confidence.

Not providing answers.

Developing thinkers.

Not being the hero of someone else's story.

Helping them become the hero of their own.

Because the most effective leaders aren't remembered for having all the answers.

They're remembered for helping other people discover theirs.

Reflection

Before your next one-on-one, ask yourself:

• Am I preparing to solve a problem, or to develop a person?

• What assumptions am I bringing into this conversation?

• Where am I tempted to give an answer when I could ask a question?

• How can I create more trust before I offer more advice?

• If I said less today, what might someone else discover for themselves?