Grow the Grey in Your Beard

There are moments in your career when someone says something that seems almost insignificant at the time.

Years later, you realise it quietly changed the way you lead forever.

One of those moments happened while I was working in mental health.

Our organisation launched a mentoring program, inviting people from across the business to participate.

The application asked a simple question.

Would you like to be a mentor, or would you like to be mentored?

It sounded like a straightforward choice.

But sitting in my office—the one and only office I've ever had—I found myself staring out towards the Sydney Harbour Bridge, thinking there had to be more to leadership than choosing one or the other.

As I looked at the bridge, it struck me that my own career felt a little like it.

Not nearly as impressive, of course.

But built from both directions.

Behind me were people beginning a journey I'd already travelled.

I had experiences I could share.

Mistakes I could help them avoid.

Encouragement I wished someone had given me earlier.

In that sense, I could be a mentor.

But ahead of me were leaders with decades more experience.

People who had carried greater responsibility.

Navigated bigger challenges.

Made harder decisions.

People who still had lessons I desperately needed to learn.

In that sense, I would always be a mentee.

That's when I realised something that has stayed with me ever since.

The best leaders never stop being both.

The Best Leaders Never Graduate From Learning

Somewhere along the way, many leaders begin to believe that experience means they've arrived.

The promotions come.

The responsibilities increase.

People start asking for your advice instead of giving it.

Without even noticing, we can begin to confuse experience with completion.

But leadership doesn't work like that.

The more you learn...

The more you realise there is still to learn.

That's what keeps great leaders humble.

"Grow the Grey in Your Beard"

Not long after that mentoring program, I was speaking with our Group CEO.

Amongst all the career advice I've received over the years—including being told early in my career that I came across as arrogant—one sentence has stayed with me more than almost any other.

He looked at me and said:

"James, I can see you've got the talent... but you need to grow the grey in your beard."

I'll admit, I wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

For most of my life, advertising aimed at men had been telling me exactly the opposite.

Hide the grey.

Colour the beard.

Look younger.

Stay youthful.

Grey was presented as something to fix.

Yet here was someone I respected telling me to embrace it.

Not literally.

But symbolically.

He wasn't talking about age.

He was talking about wisdom.

You Can't Shortcut Wisdom

Talent might open doors.

Potential might create opportunities.

But wisdom?

Wisdom has to be earned.

It grows through difficult conversations.

Through mistakes.

Through failure.

Through seasons where life doesn't go according to plan.

It grows through listening more than speaking.

Through asking better questions instead of pretending to have all the answers.

Through learning when to act.

And just as importantly...

Learning when to wait.

One of the hardest leadership lessons I've learnt is that timing is just as important as talent.

Some opportunities arrive too early.

Some decisions need more patience.

Some people need more grace.

You can't rush those lessons.

You have to live them.

You have to grow the grey.

Wisdom Looks Different Than Success

Our culture celebrates speed.

Fast growth.

Fast promotions.

Fast results.

Leadership often feels like a race where everyone is trying to get somewhere first.

But the Kingdom of God often works differently.

Throughout Scripture, God repeatedly chose people after years of preparation rather than moments of performance.

Moses spent forty years in the wilderness.

David spent years tending sheep before becoming king.

Jesus invested thirty years before beginning three years of public ministry.

Preparation was never wasted.

Neither is yours.

Keep Both Seats at the Table

Looking back, I don't think the mentoring application should have been a choice between mentoring or being mentored.

Great leaders need both seats at the table.

Someone behind them to invest in.

Someone ahead of them to learn from.

If you ever stop mentoring, you stop multiplying.

If you ever stop being mentored, you stop growing.

Leadership flourishes in the tension of both.

A Question Worth Asking

Who are you helping grow?

And who is helping you grow?

If you can't answer both questions, perhaps it's time to intentionally find those people.

Because leadership isn't built in isolation.

It's shaped in relationships.

Grow the Grey

Today, I have a little more grey in my beard than I did when that conversation happened.

Some of it came with age.

Much of it came through experience.

The setbacks.

The failures.

The victories.

The coaching conversations.

The moments God used to refine me rather than simply reward me.

And honestly...

I'm grateful for every grey hair.

Each one reminds me that leadership isn't about arriving.

It's about continually becoming.

So don't be afraid to grow the grey in your beard.

Not because getting older makes you wiser.

But because remaining teachable does.

The greatest leaders aren't those who know the most.

They're the ones who never stop learning.

If you're ready to grow not just your skills but your wisdom, I'd love to walk that journey with you.

Because coaching isn't about having someone tell you what to do.

It's about creating the space to ask better questions, embrace lifelong learning, and become the leader God is shaping you to be.

After all...

The strongest leaders don't simply collect years.

They allow those years to shape who they become.